TRANSPARENT MOMENT...

IM UP RIGHT NOW THINKING. I AM WAY BETTER THAN I WAS A YEAR AGO, BUT THERE IS OFTEN TIMES WHERE I STILL HAVE SOME EMPTINESS... ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE... GROWTH IS A AMAZING, BUT GRIEF CAN SOMETIMES FIND ITS WAY BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF HEALING... SHE DID NOT DIE, SHE CHOSE HERSELF OVER ME, IN A TIME SHE NEEDED TO AND AS SHE SHOULD. IN ALL HONESTY I DIDNT DESERVE HER... I JUST HOPE SHES HAPPY...

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QUICK THOUGHT

At 44, I see myself growing into a better me. I had so much discord for myself, and oftentimes I still do. A part of loving yourself is realizing the hard truths about who you really are. I have to be honest, I am terrified of falling in love again only to be hurt, but as I get comfortable with who I am, I am okay with the boundaries I have set. Just a thought, outside of being hurt again, what drives you to remain single???

ALONE

SOMETIMES WE NEED TO TRAVEL THIS JOURNEY OF LIFE ALONE. WE NEED TO REMEMBER WHAT WE ONCE LOVED ABOUT OURSELVES, THE PPL AROUND US, AND THE WORLD. I WAS IN SUCH A SEVERE STATE OF DEPRESSION I BUILT THIS WALL AROUND ME SHIELDING MYSELF FROM EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AROUND ME. I WANTED TO DISASSOCIATE MYSELF FROM THE WORLD, I BOUGHT SURVIVAL KITS, BOOKS, KNIFES, AND GUNS THINKING ID BE BETTER OFF TRACKING IN THE STREETS AS A NOMAD YEARNING SO BAD TO BE FREE, BUT I FELT SAFE BEHIND THIS INVISIBLE WALL BECAUSE ID RATHER BE BORDERED UP. IT WOULDN'T MAKE SENSE TO MOST PEOPLE, BUT THAT WAS HOW I FELT GOING THROUGH MY DEPRESSION.... I PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY, I SET UP BARRIERS PEOPLE COULDN'T CROSS, AND NOW THAT I AM ALONE, I AM FORCED TO JOURNEY BY MYSELF. ITS WHAT I NEED, THE PATH I AM ON IS ME BEING LOST, ITS ME FINDING MY OWN WAY...

SAFE SPACE

THE TOUGHEST THING IVE HAD TO DO WAS CREATE A SAFE SPACE FOR MYSELF. NO ONE IS OBLIGATED TO DO THAT FOR ME. I LOOKED FOR WOMEN TO DO THAT AND IT LEFT ME IN WORSE SITUATIONS THAN BEFORE. ITS SORT OF THAT BABY BOY COMPLEX... BUT NOT IN THE SENSE OF THEM TAKING CARE OF ME FINANCIALLY, BUT EMOTIONALLY... AS A MAN ALL IVE EVER WANTED WAS A SAFE SPACE, BUT I DIDNT REALIZE FOR THE LONGEST I CREATE MY OWN.

MRWEEKENDLOVER

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